Saturday, August 22, 2009

Meats. And Greets.


Sorry about the abysmal lack of blogitude. Here's what's been goin' down.

Note: The beginning of this post is a recap, with some elaboration. I'll get back into the swing of things soon. Mmm...regurgitated information.

So, shortly after my last post (roughly 37 years ago), things between The Editor and I ended. How did they end, you ask? Here's the timeline:

Monday: He comes over for dinner. We make plans to get together on Thursday.
Tuesday: Nothing.
Wednesday: Nothing.
Thursday: I text him and say, "we're still on for tonight?" I hear nothing.
Friday: I text him and say, "hello?"
Saturday: Nothing. I listen to a lot of depressing music and cry and eat ice cream.
Sunday: Nothing. I come to the conclusion that he is dead. Or paralyzed from the forehead down. I call, at wit's end, and say, "Look, don't you think you at least owe me an explanation before you disappear? Be a man and do the right thing." I hear nothing.
Monday: Nothing.
Tuesday: He calls. And here, for your viewing pleasure, is a paraphrased transcript of that conversation.

ME: Hello?
HIM: Hey, it's me! How are you doing?
ME: Um...I'm fine.
HIM: Great, great. Hey, sorry about the disappearing act.
ME: Yes?
HIM: Yeah, I guess I was just feeling a little hermity.
ME: (thinking, "that's not a word, you a-hole.") Wow. Okay.
HIM: I mean, I guess I've just been thinking a lot, and I'm thinking that maybe I'm not really interested in having a girlfriend right now, you know?
ME: (pause) You know, that statement loses a lot of credibility when you meet someone on eHarmony. What you mean is, you don't want me to be your girlfriend.
HIM: (nervous laugh) Yes, I guess so. I mean, I'm sorry, you're a great girl, but I don't think I'm ready to take things to the next level and let's be honest, we're not getting any younger.
ME: Right. And you don't want to waste your time.
HIM: Exactly! I'm glad you get it.
ME: Yes. So, tell me. What did I do that made you assume that I was thinking that this would be long term?
HIM: Well, nothing?
ME: Right, because honestly, I didn't see myself married to you. I didn't call you or expect you to call me, I never referred to you as my boyfriend, I never talked about our future together, right?
HIM: Yeah, I guess you're right. So, this is mutual, right?
ME: (sigh) Sure, whatever.
HIM: So, can we still be friends? I mean, I'm new to the city and I don't really know many people, and it would be nice if I could call you and go to the movies or something.
ME: Don't call me--I'll call you when I feel like I'm okay with hanging out with you.
HIM: Okay. I'll look forward to that. Thanks.
ME: Yep. Good luck out there.

I have clearly never called him. Why would I want to spend time with someone who uses words like "hermity"??

Two days later, my grandma passed away at the ripe old age of 94. She'd suffered in the throes of dementia for about 5 years, and while it was a joy to let her go and to know that she's at peace, it was difficult to say goodbye to my mom's mom. I'm now the oldest woman in my family. No joke. No aunts, no grandmothers, no mom.



(Just kidding about that last part.)

In the meantime, there's The Aviator. He and I went out the weekend after things with The Editor ended (side note: The Editor and I weren't really even exclusive--I was seeing The Aviator occasionally the whole time we were "dating". These are not the actions of a woman who is pressuring a man into a relationship. But I digress.). We went to P.F. Chang's, had a great dinner served to us by an insane waiter and then...

he went to Colorado for 3 weeks.

I texted him when he came back and asked if he wanted to grab a drink, and he said sure...but that he was out of town for a conference. He promised me a call when he got back.

Again, despite my outward appearance and poor life choices, I'm not dumb. I know that avoiding a date and not calling or texting means "I'm trying to make you disappear", so I just figured I'd let it go. I started communicating with another eHarmony guy who shall, as of this printing, be named "The Educator". I have nothing to say about him except that, for a teacher, he has TERRIBLE grammar. That's a turn off. But again, irrelevant. On we go.

I did, miraculously, hear from The Aviator when he returned. He texted, and suggested that we meet for drinks. I just finished working on "Hamlet" at work, and was responsible for costume and prop strike--I told him I'd meet him in Squirrel Hill at 9:45. He agreed, but informed me that he had a 6:00am flight out of town this morning. He then reassured me that, as long as he was on his way home by 11, he'd be just fine.

We met for drinks. We laughed a ton. We shared eHarmony horror stories. He informed me that his subscription had expired, and I told him that mine expires next week. 11:00 came...and went. As we'd finish a beer and continue our conversation, the bartender would check on us and he'd say, "One more?" I reminded him that I was not flying to Alaska (that's right, Alaska) at 6am, and that it was totally his call.

And at 1:00am, when the bar closed, we went our separate ways.

It was a great evening, and we made plans to get together upon his return next weekend.

So, Editors: Out. Aviators: In.

Educators: Learn to Spell.

Side note: I am eating meat. At the end of July, as I was sitting down to an utterly depressing dinner of corn and cereal and my roommate was preparing some glorious Mandarin Chicken, I said, "you know what? I'm so over being a vegetarian." And I haven't looked back. My two months of vegetarianism did impact me, though--I definitely eat more vegetarian meals than I ever did before. I just temper them with some delicious Chicken McNuggets.

1 comment:

  1. I was just coming over here to yell at you to write a new blog, only to realize that I'm 3 days late in reading it. Bah!

    Sorry to hear about the crappy end with The Editor, looking forward to seeing what happens next with The Aviator, and still holding out hope for a brilliant romantic comedy starring you & Larry, the Gentlemen's Club fellow. I think it's bringing in millions.