Welcome to the Meatless Jungle.

First, Vegetarianism.

I tried my first meatless chicken nuggets last night. I'm not going to lie--the first few bites were ROUGH. I kept telling myself, "Mmm! Chicken! Isn't it so very tasty!", but my stomach was all like, "WTF, dude?! This is not chicken! OUT! OUT!"

However, the old adage rang true: everything tastes better with ranch dressing. I ate them, they weren't bad, I survived the potential Tummy Rebellion of '09.

Tonight, since I'm not eating meat, I ate nachos and a HoHo for dinner.

In case you have not picked up on this important fact, I am pure class.

And now, let's move on to the high-stakes world of Online Dating.

I hit my first pothole with The Editor today. On Sunday, we had discussed his schedule for the week--he was subbing for his boss today, and would be working from 2pm to 11pm. I suggested that we grab lunch in our mutual area, he agreed. I gave it no thought until last night, when I thought to myself, "Hm. Haven't heard from The Editor. I should text him." So I did, a neutral text about a book that we both have been reading.

For the sake of full disclosure, the text read exactly as follows:

"I finally finished "The Reader"!"

And he didn't reply, which was fine...but confusing...because I was going to follow that neutral text up with something like, "So, what time for lunch tomorrow?" , or, "Are we still on for lunch?" Or something wildly creative along that vein. Unfortunately, since he didn't respond to the neutral text, I was in the awkward position of not wanting to text again lest I seem like a creepy stalker, but really wanting to know if we were going to be having lunch.

Creepy stalker?

Lunchless loser?

Six of one, half-dozen of the other.

So, being a modern woman, I did nothing. I packed a lunch for today, and went to bed feeling dejected and frustrated.

This morning, I kept thinking, "He'll call! He'll text! Surely, he won't leave me feeling like a complete moron!" But alas, nothing. And at 1:00, because I am a Modern Woman, I texted him and said, "So...we're not on for lunch today?"

Passive aggressive much?
Why, yes.
Much.

I finally heard from him at 3:00ish, apologizing and offering to take me out tomorrow night.

I can't go out tomorrow night. Do you know why? Because I am taking a HIP HOP DANCE CLASS. That's right. In case you didn't hear me yell it just now, I am taking a
HIP.
HOP.
DANCE.
CLASS.

Sigh. The things I do for my friends.

And I'm out for Friday, because I am judging a beauty pageant. Mmhmm. You heard me.
JUDGING.
A.
BEAUTY.
PAGEANT.

Who is this woman?? I don't even recognize myself anymore.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yes. My life is ridiculous for the next two days. He's going to Kennywood with some friends on Saturday. So, we're going to hang out tomorrow night (after the aforementioned H.H.D.C.) and watch "Benjamin Button". It's going to be very glamorous, as I will be wearing a sweaty t-shirt and yoga pants.

As for The Aviator...it's been a few days since I've heard from him. I can only assume his interest has waned, or he's too busy, or blah blah blah.

eHarmony has been sending me some REAL classy matches, though. (That's right. REAL classy.) Frank, who can't live without his gun cabinet. Rick, whose best quality is his truck. Walt, whose profile picture features his pet snake.

(That's not a euphamism. It's really a snake.)

It's a jungle out there, folks.