Eats and Reads

I'm sorry I haven't blogged!
I've been SO busy!

Now that we've got that blogging cliche out of the way, here's an update on my life.

Let's start with vegetarianism, because that's where the fun's at (pronounced "funzat").

In the interest of full disclosure, you must know something. Eet's a seeeecret. Come clooooooser.

I accidentally ate meat last week.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

My friend Hannah makes the most delicious little cream cheese tortilla roll ups. I am a big fan of anything that has no basis in nutritional value whatsoever, so I've always enjoyed those little puppies. She brought them to a picnic, and I was all CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP! After having eaten three, I noticed the meat. I mean, it wasn't camouflaged. It was all up in the tortilla roll-up, and yet, in my meat-crazed stupor, I didn't even notice.

I felt bad for 3.652 seconds, then I moved on with my life. I'm still committed to sticking to vegetarianism for the summer, but to be honest, I miss meat. Every kind of meat. My friend B. mentioned Steak-Umm on her Facebook status yesterday, and I probably would have traded my kidney for a big ol' Steak-Umm with cheese and onions after reading it. Not a sign that the vegetarian lifestyle is perfect for me.

Also, I recently drove past a poster that said "WORK SHOP", and I almost wrecked my car because I thought it said "PORK CHOP". Let's be honest. I'm a carnivore to the core.

Now, the greets.

Things with The Editor continue smoothly...but he keeps me guessing. I suppose this is a good thing, because otherwise I'd get bored. (I bore easily, with such things as hobbies, self-improvement ideas, and blogs.) Anywho, he seems to be into me, and the more I think about it, the more I'm into him. But I'm reserving judgment. I'm trying to keep the insane commitmentphobe in check, lest I terrify the poor man.

This weekend, we went to Panera and Barnes and Noble. We sat at Barnes and Noble--in the Cafe--and read magazines. And didn't talk. Have I ever mentioned how much I love that? No? Well, let me tell you a little story.

The librarian of my elementary school and her husband were frequently spotted around local restaurants for brunch or an early dinner on Sundays. I know this, because my family was frequently spotted around said local restaurants. They'd come in, each with a book in hand, and proceed to read their books--independantly--while their meal progressed. As a person who was constantly (CONSTANTLY) being punished for reading at the dinner table, I made up my mind then and there that the perfect relationship would involve separate reading of separate magazines/books at meals. I don't want to talk about your day. We can do that while we're driving to the restaurant, or while we're cooking dinner, or while we're grocery shopping for what we're going to eat. While we're eating, we will read. We will read, and occasionally share intriguing or well-written portions of what we're reading, but generally speaking, we will just read and enjoy some quiet time.

I'm not proud. I like to read and eat at the same time. It's my thing.

Does this make me antisocial? Perhaps. But you have no idea how much something like this appeals to a person who was grounded for sneaking a beat-up, old 1976 Reader's Digest under her napkin during her grandma's birthday dinner, just so she could read Drama in Real Life.

Hm...maybe not antisocial. Maybe just unspeakably nerdy.

The Editor vs. The Aviator

I'm eating meat!
And I'm married!

Okay, neither of those are true. I'm just trying to spice things up around here.

The latest:

Still a vegetarian. It's been a ridiculously busy week in The Life Of Me, but I've maintained the lifestyle in spite of a lack of time to actually a) grocery shop and b) cook. Suffice it to say, I've been eating a lot of peanut butter.

As for the men in my life: The Editor lost a lot of points this week. I saw him on Sunday night for a little R&R--we watched "Benjamin Button" (and I didn't hate it) and ate noodles. I didn't hear from him on Monday or Tuesday (you know, a little "How was your day?" action goes a long way), but whatev.

Wednesday, we had some apocalyptic weather here in The Burgh. I, however, was not in The Burgh. I was teaching piano lessons in the Great White North, and we just got a little boom/flash. I texted him when I heard that much of his neighborhood was flooding and receiving some nasty wind--he texted back to inform me that he'd stayed at work, and that he'd call me when he got home.

He called at 11pm, and his mom called at 11:05. "I've got to take this," he says. "Call you back in a minute."

An hour later, I went to bed. An hour and 15 minutes later he texted to inform me that his mom is long winded, and that he's going to bed.

Aaand I haven't heard from him since, except to hear that he was too tired to hang out last night, and that he was working tonight. He suggested that we hang out tomorrow night...I replied, "That's ok, but I work very early on Monday--can we do an early dinner?" And I didn't hear back from him!

Dear Boys of America:

Do you ever wonder how to piss a girl off? This is how. Tell her you'll call, then don't. Make your job sound more important than her feelings. Ditch her for a weekend, because you're tired.

THIS is how to piss a girl off.

Love and Kisses,
Moi

So, because I'm anything but a wallflower, I called The Aviator. We had lunch this afternoon, and it was fun. I may dump The Editor if things don't improve this week. I really, REALLY don't like being a jerk, but even more I dislike being taken for a ride.

Back to vegetarianism.

Things I miss:

Wings
Chicken McNuggets
Bacon
Wings
Steak
Sausage
Wings

(Note: had dinner at Dad's tonight. He ate wings. Droooooling ensued.)

Welcome to the Meatless Jungle.

First, Vegetarianism.

I tried my first meatless chicken nuggets last night. I'm not going to lie--the first few bites were ROUGH. I kept telling myself, "Mmm! Chicken! Isn't it so very tasty!", but my stomach was all like, "WTF, dude?! This is not chicken! OUT! OUT!"

However, the old adage rang true: everything tastes better with ranch dressing. I ate them, they weren't bad, I survived the potential Tummy Rebellion of '09.

Tonight, since I'm not eating meat, I ate nachos and a HoHo for dinner.

In case you have not picked up on this important fact, I am pure class.

And now, let's move on to the high-stakes world of Online Dating.

I hit my first pothole with The Editor today. On Sunday, we had discussed his schedule for the week--he was subbing for his boss today, and would be working from 2pm to 11pm. I suggested that we grab lunch in our mutual area, he agreed. I gave it no thought until last night, when I thought to myself, "Hm. Haven't heard from The Editor. I should text him." So I did, a neutral text about a book that we both have been reading.

For the sake of full disclosure, the text read exactly as follows:

"I finally finished "The Reader"!"

And he didn't reply, which was fine...but confusing...because I was going to follow that neutral text up with something like, "So, what time for lunch tomorrow?" , or, "Are we still on for lunch?" Or something wildly creative along that vein. Unfortunately, since he didn't respond to the neutral text, I was in the awkward position of not wanting to text again lest I seem like a creepy stalker, but really wanting to know if we were going to be having lunch.

Creepy stalker?

Lunchless loser?

Six of one, half-dozen of the other.

So, being a modern woman, I did nothing. I packed a lunch for today, and went to bed feeling dejected and frustrated.

This morning, I kept thinking, "He'll call! He'll text! Surely, he won't leave me feeling like a complete moron!" But alas, nothing. And at 1:00, because I am a Modern Woman, I texted him and said, "So...we're not on for lunch today?"

Passive aggressive much?
Why, yes.
Much.

I finally heard from him at 3:00ish, apologizing and offering to take me out tomorrow night.

I can't go out tomorrow night. Do you know why? Because I am taking a HIP HOP DANCE CLASS. That's right. In case you didn't hear me yell it just now, I am taking a
HIP.
HOP.
DANCE.
CLASS.

Sigh. The things I do for my friends.

And I'm out for Friday, because I am judging a beauty pageant. Mmhmm. You heard me.
JUDGING.
A.
BEAUTY.
PAGEANT.

Who is this woman?? I don't even recognize myself anymore.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yes. My life is ridiculous for the next two days. He's going to Kennywood with some friends on Saturday. So, we're going to hang out tomorrow night (after the aforementioned H.H.D.C.) and watch "Benjamin Button". It's going to be very glamorous, as I will be wearing a sweaty t-shirt and yoga pants.

As for The Aviator...it's been a few days since I've heard from him. I can only assume his interest has waned, or he's too busy, or blah blah blah.

eHarmony has been sending me some REAL classy matches, though. (That's right. REAL classy.) Frank, who can't live without his gun cabinet. Rick, whose best quality is his truck. Walt, whose profile picture features his pet snake.

(That's not a euphamism. It's really a snake.)

It's a jungle out there, folks.

All Day I Dream Of Meat.

It's all I can think about. I was at a friend's last night--there were wings. Pirate game last week: hot dogs. Someone in my neighborhood is making steaks on a grill right now, and I can't think about anything but

MEAT
MEAT
MEEEEEEEEEEEEAT

Happy One Week Vegetarian Anniversary, Self.

The Editor and I went to see "The Hangover" this weekend. It was very, very funny. I then took him on his inaugural trip to Eat'N'Park. Being a Georgia man, he's never been. Good times. We came to my house and proceeded to watch "Ironman", which I'd never seen and I straight-up loved.

(side note: I also watched "Sense and Sensibility" on Saturday afternoon. I watched 3 movies in one day. That may be my personal best.)

I did get an email from The Aviator on Saturday, as well, but he's been "Busy With Work"--an excuse I've heard enough times in my life. If "Busy With Work" was yarn, I could make a blanket big enough to cover Asia.

I just tried to make more "If 'Busy With Work' Was" jokes, but they all contained meat references.

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT

Anyway, I don't doubt that The Aviator wants to hang out again. I just don't think he's going to beat The Editor in terms of Quality Hangout Time. It's a shame, but that's the way the eHarmony Flavored Cookie Crumbles, folks.

In other news, if you have not dropped everything and bought Bananagrams yet, do it now. Rob and I sat at my kitchen table and played it for about 5 hours on Friday night. My butt was killing me, but I won a few games so it was worth some butt pain.

Unrelated.

This has nothing to do with vegetarianism or online dating.

Go to your local purveyor of fun-type goods.

Buy yourself a little game called "Bananagrams".

Play it until your brain explodes, and thank me later.

Tee. Gee. Eye. Eff.

Well, my first work week as a vegetarian has come to a close. I wonder if Hallmark makes a card for that?

Things I've learned after 5 days of vegetarianism:

• Plan ahead, or you'll end up eating a mango, PopTart, and string-cheese breakfast. Three days in a row.
  

• There is such a thing as too many carrots in one sitting.

• Caffeine is your friend. Your best friend. If you were in 4th grade together, you'd make Caffeine a bracelet from your mom's cross-stitch thread.

I've been kind of digging it, though--I wouldn't necessarily say I feel "better". I mean, I am tired all. the. time. But that could be a by-product of my lethargic lifestyle, so I hate to blame my current lack of meat product.

I am still training myself. In my head, I'm constantly reminding myself that I don't eat meat. I don't eat meat. I don't eat meat. I may look normal, and may carry on normal conversations (well, as normal as any conversation with me can ever be), but in my head, I'm probably saying, "I don't eat meat." I'm really afraid that I'll forget, and take a big ol' bite of someone's chicken sandwich, or blindly drive myself to McDonald's or something.

In unrelated news, I had a dream that my roommate bought a HUGE kitchen table. It was lovely, but I was baffled as to why he bought it. And now, I'm baffled as to why I'm dreaming about tables.

The Editor and I have plans to hang out tomorrow night. I'm thinking dinner at The Waterfront somewhere, followed by some quality time at Barnes and Noble...yeeeesh. You know you're a nerd (dating a nerd) when Barnes and Noble is a totally viable date destination.

I did hear from The Aviator this week, but frankly, not enough to justify me carving out time in my schedule this weekend. I'm totally booked for Sunday, Saturday belongs to The Editor, and tonight is a long-overdue hangout with a college pal. So, whatever.

I have a few qualifications when it comes to who I will be contacting via eHarmony. I will not contact men whose profile pictures feature any of the following:

Their car
A dead animal
A gun
Their shirtless torso

You wouldn't believe how many of the matches I land fall into these categories.

Dear Men Of The World:
Free advice! NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR NIPPLES BEFORE THE FIRST DATE.
Love, Moi

The kicker is, apparently, I have 28 levels of compatibility with these dingdongs. This shocks and saddens me, and kind of makes me wonder if this contributes to why I suspect I'll actually die alone in a trailer full of cats.

When it rains...

I hung out with The Editor on Saturday again. He came to my place, we walked to dinner, we came back to my place to watch Synecdoche, New York. If it had been a better movie, we probably wouldn't have had to resort to a makeout session to pass the time.

Damn you, Philip Seymour Hoffman.

And, just to round out the weekend, I went out for dinner with P. (hereafter known as The Aviator). We went to a great little restaurant a few blocks from my house. I was afraid he'd be super short (he's not) and teeny (he's not). He's stocky, which I like. He has cats, which I like. He plays the piano recreationally, which I like.

He's a pilot, which I don't like. Not that it's not a noble profession--I just HATE flying. I do it, but I have to be drugged up like B.A. Barracus on the A-Team. He's actually a biologist by trade, but worked as a commercial pilot for years. He's a fascinating guy, as well as being really funny and really smart.

The Editor vs. The Aviator!
DEATHMATCH '09!

Okay, things aren't that serious. But there comes a point where I have to choose, and the last time I was in this position (in fact, EVERY TIME I'm in this position), I choose poorly. I've just got to get to know each of them slowly and intentionally, and hope for the best.

And here, we come to the root of the problem with eHarmony.

The issue is quality vs. quantity--you want to meet good men, right? And most importantly, you want to meet them one at a time. But when you're paying for it, you want to meet as many as possible! And time's running out! GAAH!

In other news, I am a vegetarian. It's 11:30 on Day 1, and I haven't eaten any meat yet! High fives all around!